Another day, another blog...it's worth mentioning that I managed to get home in record time last night from work, rather than viewing the conditions as my enemy I now consider them to be a friend of mine, sliding is quicker than walking...FACT
Because of my quickened journey home I managed to cook dinner (chicken Kiev's) and be seated just in time for Deal or No Deal...the show I love to hate
On one hand, I find the concept quite ingenious, a genuine game of chance which rips people's hearts out as quickly as it builds up their hopes. I also love Noel Edmunds...I am not afraid to admit this fact, I think I developed my man crush on the bearded wonder back in the 1990's when I used to watch him playing around with Mr Blobby's big pink balls on 'House Party'
I used to love that show...in fact, I think I had my very first wank to Noel's House Party...something to do with Julia Carling if memory serves me correctly
Anyway, as I was saying, it's the beautiful bits in Deal or No Deal which are also the bits I can't stomach...I have no idea where they find the contestants. It's a unique collection of relatively normal people with everyday jobs like nurses and account managers mixed in with amateur psychics (psychos) who claim to "know what's in their box"...
ITS A GAME OF CHANCE YOU MUPPETS...virtually everyone claims to know what number is in their boxes, "I've definitely got a blue" only for Pauline to then present the £250,000 prize...bitch!...I know not everyone gets Deal or No Deal but its genuinely a very funny experience, which is why I am desperate to get on the show...definitely recommended television...
On the subject of wanking over tv shows...I remember my favourite to knock one out to was Gladiators on a Saturday evening, just the idea of Jet playing "hang tough" is enough to bring a grown man to his knees (with quite the healthy erection), ah the thoughts of her with those voluptuous legs wrapped around Amanda, a gym instructor from Ipswich...mmmmmm
I was properly obsessed with that show...and although I used to spend endless hours fantasising over the entire female cast of the show my favourite Gladiator, by a mile, was Warrior, I used to basically day dream about being him. Taking on armed criminals with nothing more than his biceps and 90's haircut. In fact, Warrior is pretty much the role model for my own physique now...minus the muscles
I know I talk about masturbation alot...it's not intentional, I imagine it's mainly due to it playing a major part in my development. It was literally my favourite thing to do, when I say 'was' I mean 'is' my favourite thing to do.
I heard Basshunter, on Celeb Big Brother, recently promoting the fact that he once wanked 25 times in one day, I think this has to be close to a world record...my personal best is 14 and afterwards my penis resembled a disfigured garden worm which had just been freed from a burning car after a road traffic accident...he must have a cock made out of Titanium
However, saying that I actually couldn't imagine a better reason to get into the Guinness Book of Records
I was having a read of the Metro (a free paper they let us poor people read on the bus) this morning and one story particularly caught my eye. A couple had come up with a brilliant way to avoid paying rent on their house by...cutting up the landlord and disposing of his various limbs...Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
I am sure Landlords all over the UK are cowering at the thought of asking their tenants for next month's rent! Equally impressive about this story is the fact that the woman, Sarah Bush, who is on trial for the murder, is in fact a prostitute by trade...I wonder who she put down as her work reference on her letting agency application form...her pimp?
While we're on the subject, how weird must it be to have a prostitute for a girlfriend? and how awkward THAT conversation must be of an evening...
her - "hi love how was your day?"
him - "it was ok, sold a few cars, did a bit of paperwork. Martin fell off his chair today, it was quite a funny moment. How about you darling?"
her - "well I had a 10 o clock with the Chuckle Brothers, then I sucked off a Marching Band at 2pm, my 3 o clock cancelled but I finished the day on a high by deep throating Gordon Brown"
him - "ok"...
...
I had some nice feedback from people already about the blog, thank you...I am not trying to be big or clever with this thing, I just have too much to say with too much spare time on my hands...if you like it spread the word, again comments and feedback are always encouraged
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